October 2008

  • A Rant on Joe the Plumber

    By beatriz on 10/30/08 12:25pm
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    Thursday, October 30
    4:30pm

    Dear Diary,

    Just heard that McCain got stood up by Joe the Plumber! Hilarious, especially considering the fact that McCain has basically based the last half of his campaign on Joe the Plumber. But who really listens to this guy anyway? He sounds like an idiot, especially since it’s come out that he would do better under our economic plan than McCain’s. And why does the media feel that he deserves so much publicity?! He doesn’t even understand politics, much less what he believes. His ignorant views on Israel make that painstakingly clear. There should be one Joe giving out opinions on politics, and that’s me.

    I’m beginning to think that the name “Joe” is being abused in this election, especially with Joe the Plumber, Joe Six Pack, and now Joe the Singer. The name Joe deserves some respectable nicknames. Here are my top five suggestions, which I will pitch to David:

    1.

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  • Unethical Conduct in the Republican Party

    By beatriz on 10/29/08 12:19pm
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    Tuesday, October 28
    11:58pm

    Dear Diary,

    Read yesterday that Senator Ted Stevens from Alaska found guilty of unethical conduct. Hilarious that he’s still up for reelection. Gotta feel bad for those responsible voters who already sent in ballots voting for him, even if they are Republican voters. But it seems like these days, Democrats are the ones who are voting early, so I’m hoping this holds true. Maybe the Republicans’ desire for a “moral” leader will inspire them to vote Democratic after this verdict. Slim chance in Alaska, but there’s always the hope. Certainly will be strange if he gets reelected after being convicted. It certainly paints Alaskan of politicians in a bad light, especially after Sarah Palin was found guilty of unethical conduct.

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  • Promotions and Protests

    By beatriz on 10/23/08 12:17pm
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    Thursday, October 23
    10:30pm

    Dear Diary,

    Barack is in Hawaii, which means that we’re down one man in the campaign. Which means that this is the time for me to campaign more forcefully. Since we certainly need to keep up the campaigning in the last 2 weeks, I think it only makes sense for me to get out there. Asked David is I could temporarily take over the campaign trail again to reinforce Barack’s message. The conversation was surprisingly short, and am now wondering if I curtailed it a bit at the end.

    Me: Hey Dave, I’m thinking it’s time that I really take a stand on the campaign trail, since Barack’s in Hawaii.
    David: Haven’t you don’t enough already?
    Me: NEVERRRR!!!!!

    Still believe the force was necessary, as I am next in line for presidency if Obama should step out, so to speak.

    Recently read that Karl Rove was attacked by an activist at some mortgage convention.

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  • More Time in the Spotlight

    By beatriz on 10/20/08 12:15pm
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    Monday, October 20
    11:58pm

    Dear Diary,

    Am sad to report that Barack is going to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother. Always sad when a member of the family falls ill… And I certainly have had my share of family tragedies, there’s no denying that. So I understand why Barack must suspend his campaign to see his grandmother.

    Nevertheless, this is a perfect opportunity for me to undergo some more aggressive campaigning. I have already started, with my spiel about the international crisis. It’s perfect. I sound smart and well-educated, and this will make headlines. And I got my name out there! After all, this did happen to Kennedy, another young president. David is upset though. Says this remark will encourage people to vote for McCain in order to avoid this crisis. Hadn’t thought of that… But hey, at least my name is out there! And if this does happen, we could have a second 9/11.

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  • Publicity Stunts

    By beatriz on 10/19/08 12:14pm
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    Sunday, October 19
    8:40pm

    Dear Diary,

    Am relieved to see that Sarah Palin did not get as much time on SNL as I had expected. In fact, she hardly said or did anything. And for her big spiel at the end, she had Amy Poehler rapping her part. Pathetic. I would have done it. Rapping can’t be too hard, right? Should look into this for next campaign move…

    In other news, just came out with big statement where I talked about how racism will be a big issue in this election. It's been said before, but I needed to say it too. Haven't had a lot of time in the spotlight lately, so felt this was the best way to say something shocking and hopefully profound. Am hoping it will be reported in significant papers as insightful… Also hoping that it doesn’t lead people to not vote for Obama after reading that… Did not clear statement with David, but am hoping it will encourage others to go out and vote. Beginning to sound like Obama with all this "hope" in my diary...

    Until next time,
    Joe

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  • Power of Publicity

    By beatriz on 10/18/08 12:11pm
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    Saturday, October 18
    10:42am

    Dear Diary,

    Am greatly looking forward to seeing Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live tonight. Going to be Sarah Palin imitating Tiny Fey mocking Sarah Palin. Should be hilarious. Wish I could be on SNL too, but am relieved to know that they don’t want me to look too bad before election. Unless it’s because they don’t think I’m funny enough, or not a popular enough celebrity… No, that’s ridiculous. I was on the Jay Leno show. And even if they didn’t think I was funny enough, at least people will remember me in a year, since it looks like we’re going to win solidly. I predict that in a year, Sarah Palin will disappear into obscurity. Unless her cases of unethical conduct keep surfacing…

    But yes, does appear that we’re really going to win this election! Barack had an amazing rally in St. Louis with 100,000 supporters!

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  • Can Late-Night Talk Walk the Walk?

    By beatriz on 10/17/08 12:09pm
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    Friday, October 17
    9:45am

    Dear Diary,

    The results of Joe the Plumber's authenticity are as much as we all expected. Not only is he not a licensed plumber, his name isn’t even Joe – it’s Samuel. Should have known that a real Joe wouldn’t have interfered with the entire debate. And he owes back taxes.

    Watched the clip of myself on the Jay Leno show this morning. Sure sounded good, except for the gaffe, which I couldn’t help but laugh about. In a different speech, I actually said that the number one issue facing the middle class was a three-letter word: jobs. Oops. At least the audience could see that I didn’t take myself too seriously. But I did have to talk about Joe the Plumber and Joe Six-Pack. After all, they’re hoarding all the media attention, and one of them isn't necessarily a real person! I want some publicity too!

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  • Joe the Plumber

    By beatriz on 10/16/08 12:06pm
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    Thursday, October 16
    4:30pm

    Dear Diary,

    Went on the Today Show and discussed Joe the Plumber. After sleeping on the issue last night, have decided that Joe the Plumber can’t be a real plumber. He makes too much money! No plumber that I know makes that much money. And who knows if his name is really Joe! It takes a regular guy to pull off the name Joe. A “Joe Six-Pack,” if I may. Looking forward to bringing back Joe Six-Pack and comparing that to self. Hopefully can make self out to be strong, as six-packs can describe stomach muscles, not necessarily a way to package beer.

    Also did best to call McCain out for smearing Barack and me without sounding bitter. Am going on the Jay Leno show tonight… Will discuss that in tomorrow’s diary entry, as he has a very late night show – even for a Joe Six-Pack like me. Also heard that McCain will be on David Letterman at same time… Can’t wait to see that.

    Until next time,
    Joe Six-Pack

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  • We're On Our Way!

    By beatriz on 10/15/08 12:03pm
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    Wednesday, October 15
    11:54pm

    Dear Diary,

    Well, the polls are in, and Barack has won the debate. Good for him. Was concerned at the beginning when McCain came off so strong. But we all knew he couldn’t last that long. Besides, it’s past his bedtime anyway.

    However, I must comment about Joe the Plumber. Who is he? Yes, there are pictures online, and Fox News blew this story out of proportion. But why didn’t they stick with Joe Six-Pack? I liked that. I am a Joe Six-Pack, which helped me to show voters that I understand them. Am working out a way to relate to plumbers to self. Possible explanation: I will go through the White House and fix all the leaks where the Bush Administration has gone wrong. Explanation still in the works… Need to make sure that this doesn’t become a Biden-ism.

    Really insulted with the way McCain attacked me. I thought we were friends! I always called him a friend. But he really went after me.

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  • Biden-isms?!

    By beatriz on 10/14/08 5:32pm
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    Tuesday, October 14th
    9:20am

    Dear Diary,

    After conducting some online searches, have discovered with much disappointment that there are “Biden-isms.” Probably just created by a bunch of spiteful arch-conservative Republicans bummed about the fact that we’re winning the election. Still, disappointing to see self compared to Bush. As always, Jill very supportive during this time. Says I have to let this go and just focus on the election. And there’s a debate tomorrow! Looking forward to seeing McCain make a spectacle of himself. Not normally so vindictive, but this is not the old McCain. But really, Jill really has been amazing during this campaign. She’s done a lot with Michelle to help our side. And she’s drop-dead gorgeous!

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  • Joe Six-Pack Raring to Go

    By beatriz on 10/13/08 5:29pm
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    Monday, October 13th
    8:35pm

    Dear Diary,

    22 more days until the election. Crazy to think that I’m so close to getting in the White House. Concerned that McCain, Palin, and the rest of those guys are going to increase the swift-boat attacks, but hopefully independents won’t buy that. They should know that Barack and I are the best guys for them. Palin may try to appeal to the people she calls “Joe Six Packs.” But I am a Joe Six Pack! I actually came from these areas and know what they’re dealing with. And my name is Joe! I can’t see how much clearer that gets.

    But speaking of these swift boat attacks, I don’t know why they won’t let me be more of an attack dog for the Democrats. Isn’t that the job of the Vice President during the campaign season? I get to say some things, but everything has to be approved. Puh-lease. I am great with people during speeches.

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  • Scranton Speech a Success!

    By beatriz on 10/12/08 5:27pm
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    Sunday, October 12th
    11:02pm

    Dear Diary,

    Well, I rocked my speech in Scranton. They loved me. Of course, I had a tough act to follow with Bill and Hillary Clinton giving the preceding speeches. Especially Hillary. That speech was vice-presidential. Presidential, in fact. Can’t help but wonder how this campaign would be going if Hillary was running for president. Wonder if she would have picked me to be a Vice-President? I’m just glad to be on the ticket. One way or another.

    But my speech was amazing. And if it doesn’t help to sway Pennsylvanians, or inspire them to persuade their undecided friends and family… I just don’t see how that can’t happen. Come on, these guys are smarter than that! These are real people, dealing with real problems, and I understand them. Hell, I was from Pennsylvania! If Pennsylvania goes Republican… Well, it can’t. I can’t imagine how anyone with family members fighting overseas can vote to keep them in harms way. Especially my son… I can’t lose another son.

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  • Biden Begins

    By beatriz on 10/12/08 5:25pm
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    Saturday, October 11th
    11:56pm

    Dear Diary,

    Well, after hearing that everyone else has a secret diary, I decided that I shouldn’t miss out on all the fun. Plus, I’ll probably use some of the great stuff in here for my personal memoirs.

    Hard to believe that we’re less than four weeks away from the election. Should have been my election, but I’m not bitter…anymore. Those Democrats knew they needed experience on the ticket, one way or another. Well, after this country sees the kick-ass job I do in Washington, they’ll be sure to elect me after Barack serves.

    Wish I could be more involved in the campaigning. Had high hopes to be the Democratic attack dog, but apparently the advisors aren’t up for it this year. Too bad, since the Republicans certainly have a pit bull on their hands. Can’t believe she actually lets the crowds call Barack a terrorist and then say, “Kill him!” But hopefully the media will comment on this, and it will come back to bite the pit bull.

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