Saturday, October 18
10:42am

Dear Diary,

Am greatly looking forward to seeing Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live tonight. Going to be Sarah Palin imitating Tiny Fey mocking Sarah Palin. Should be hilarious. Wish I could be on SNL too, but am relieved to know that they don’t want me to look too bad before election. Unless it’s because they don’t think I’m funny enough, or not a popular enough celebrity… No, that’s ridiculous. I was on the Jay Leno show. And even if they didn’t think I was funny enough, at least people will remember me in a year, since it looks like we’re going to win solidly. I predict that in a year, Sarah Palin will disappear into obscurity. Unless her cases of unethical conduct keep surfacing…

But yes, does appear that we’re really going to win this election! Barack had an amazing rally in St. Louis with 100,000 supporters! Have decided I need more noteworthy time in the spotlight, so have devised top ten ways I can get more publicity.

Joe Biden’s Top Ten Publicity Stunts

1. Star on SNL. (Realize that Sarah Palin is doing it now, so may use this option in a couple years.)
2. Photographed at Red Carpet After-Party. (Celeb party would add attention, but can’t be seen acting up.)
3. “Biden”: the next Oliver Stone movie. (Must look educated, don’t want to draw comparisons to George Bush.)
4. Adopt African child. (Jill won’t mind since she’s a teacher, but have to make sure kid is true orphan, unlike Madonna’s kid.)
5. Star on TV show. (Imaging self to be the next Tim Gunn of Project Runway. Only problem, need more fashion sense.)
6. Write next landmark bill to be passed by Congress. (Need new idea for bill, since last two big laws were in 1994.)
7. Get photo-op with saved polar bear. (First learn how to tame polar bears.)
8. Convince despotic ruler to step down or reform government. (May actually be harder than it sounds.)
9. Walk in Senior Citizen Walk for Cancer. (Will look younger, fitter, and stronger; but not good publicity to remind people of senior citizen status).
10. Make next big Inconvenient Truth, possibly about foreign relations. (Must make sure it doesn’t look like an Al Gore knock-off).

Will look into ways of putting these stunts into action.

Until next time,
Joe